I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
