it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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