Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
