Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
