rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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