Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
