Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
