also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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