at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
