I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
