She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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