16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
