in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
someone owes me an orgasm
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found your dick twin last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
