I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
