and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
