put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
