Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
