no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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