Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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