I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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