I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
