hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
