Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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