im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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