I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
