Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
