instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
