Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize