Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
