Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All the doctor said was why
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
