Is it because I queefed?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
