he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
