but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
