I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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