i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
