So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
