someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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