Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
