recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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