opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
