maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
