..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
