omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
