I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
