I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
