first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
