They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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