if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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