Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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