After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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