Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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