I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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