I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
