i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
