i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
