I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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