I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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