i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
