apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
