Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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