I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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