I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
