I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
