everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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