The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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