If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize