i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have feelings that need drinking.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
