He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They are going to name an STD after you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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