Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize