I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
