I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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