sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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