I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
