It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize