He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
