its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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