is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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